My Storm--
A long time ago, I saw a Storm coming my way, and sometimes I still dream of stormy days
Warm rain piqued my curiosity, soft wind made my knees sway…
Clouds smooth and round, I couldn’t look away, I slowly approach with not a word to say,
Just admiration of the beauty that was headed my way
Fear was an emotion that escaped me…danger seemed far away
It was safe, I was safe, as the blue sky turned gray
The closer I came, the more I knew I would soon dream of stormy days
As the gray sky enveloped me, I felt the wind grow stronger, and I was swept off my feet
Above the trees, I looked down to see, the ground below, I felt so free
I wondered could this be? Or maybe this would always be?
Higher still I floated, gently yet swiftly, no place I’d rather be
Never been this high before, this deep before, I longed for more, it was for me
Swept in the clouds of the Storm, my Storm, I could see my future unfold
From on top of the world I saw my home, my family, and a love like I had never known
Bright sun, blue sky…I disdained, my only wish was for stormy days
Harder still the wind blew, squinted my eyes to see my way through
Driving rain began to sting my skin, and soon the hail would begin
On top of a mountain, my Storm shook my foundation, once warm, now cold rain made me shiver
Strong wind, thunder and lightning….I was far from where I had once been delivered
I felt myself falling from my high, my body tumbled, my heart wondered why
I was holding on for dear life, I was hanging on for dear love, I wanted to stay near
Couldn’t tell if I was wet from my Storm or my own tears
I crawled…I stumbled, to follow as my Storm passed away
Never thought I’d know pain, like the kind that came from a stormy day
Body was weary…mind was in shambles, I was caught in something I couldn’t truly handle
My heart was dismantled, I wanted to ride my Storm forever and not just sample
Nothing I had done before seemed to be ample…of what was to come this was my preamble
My Storm would return again many times to my cautious delight
My flight would be resumed…spirit renewed to a new height
But each flight would end the same, back to Earth I came
Each time falling harder than before, my body, my soul, my heart could take no more
Still I adored, my Storm…I tried to run away but the distance made me sore
I longed for the wind, rain and thunder to pound me once more
Next time I would withstand it, the wind, the rain, the thunder…the pain
I would stand through it all, I would stand it all, if my Storm would return again
My Storm, my beautiful Storm…perfect in every way
The sun could not outshine my Storm’s lightning display
I longed only for stormy days
My Storm went away from me, seemingly never to return my way
Slowly I began to open myself to blue skies and sunny days
Warm rays covered my body and mended my heart, while my Storm was away
Calm wind was now my friend, as I could see a new future so clear
I promised to be Earth-bound to the end, never to let my Storm come near
My pain has long since gone away, my heart is in a healed state
Love is now my companion…I bask in the sun where I promised I would stay
But sometimes when I close my eyes, I still dream of stormy days
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Friday, July 10, 2009
"Questions" by Dame
If I got an answer for every prayer I prayed before, would I ever need to pray again? If I stopped today would it lead me to a life of sin…of strange women and straight Hen…of dreams delayed and dog days full of heartbreak and pain? Would I be bitin’ my lip through the strain? I’m trying to stay sane, but it seems like everything is so easy to lose and so hard to gain. Sometimes it just feels like I’m blowing in the wind, like what’s gonna happen is gonna happen, and it is what it is in the end. Riding down the avenue, I see faces of the martyred , of those that have single mothers and never knew fathers….slaughtered… in those back alleys of Charlotte…I’m prayin’...but I know the same thing gonna happen tomorrow…
I got Questions…So what’s it all for? I don’t do a lot for show…might let the wrist glow, might do a show for a little dough, but for the most part I’m pretty practical. Actual facts...is what I see in front of me, naturally leading me to a conclusion to which most wouldn’t agree...or at least wouldn’t admit to it…they have the same questions I do...but just toss it into their mental receptacle. See, nobody wants to be a spectacle. Everybody just wants to belong and feel good about it…fit in and stay away from the haters and the naysayers and the doubters. While I’m placating with my spouse and...saying yeah, I’m with the in crowd, but inside I’m really doubting.
See I got these questions...like what do I believe and more importantly why do I believe it? I’ve been taught its better to give than to receive, but what’s wrong with receiving’. I know the difference between good and bad, but what happens when my good is someone else’s bad….and is it still all gravy when someone else gets mad? Or if I’m prayin’ to win the game that someone else loses... so I get all the glory while they catch the bumps and bruises. I jump to conclusions...but try not to peruse them, I love my friends and family and I don’t want to lose them. But I can’t help but think about those abused children… not just the ones that get sold for a $20 hit...but I also think about the ones who’s only sin was growing up Catholic. Is it just by chance I was born Baptist? Those kids didn’t choose their religion….it came down on them …like their misfortune of running into John Geoghan. Read about him if you don’t know…molesting altar boys since ‘bout 74, all covered up by those who claim to hear the voice of God, it just seems odd, how the so called angels are actually beasts in disguise...or perhaps they aren’t actually in disguise, but we ‘re just closing own damn eyes …to the manipulation…and the passing of the collection plates and…I’m reaching way back while the Pastor pushing the Mayback? Something wrong with that. Not that something wrong with a Pastor riding to floss...I mean...I like to ride clean as well... but ain’t nobody going to hell if they don’t break me off…shoot, how you gonna put salvation on sale? I got these questions…
Like are the pearly gates or fear of that fiery place the only thing that motivates…doing the right thing? Or do my beliefs alone make me better, than that girl in Sierra Leone that sweatin’, underneath a man she don’t know and she ain’t lettin’…but he’s takin’…and he got the knife and a hard on so he’s rapin’. And after he get through mountin’....how somebody gonna tell her keep climbing that rough side of the mountain? I can’t…What?…Am I going to tell her everything is going to be alright...when the same thing probably gonna happen tomorrow night? Do I tell her to pray more at night? In spite…of the reality of her life...that she lives in a place and a state where if you’re 12 years old...you’re ripe…or should I even care as long as I’m alright? That’s just somebody else’s problem…right? All this...while I pray that Duke Power don’t turn off my lights? Uptight about my cable staying on long enough for me to watch the fight. I fight the urge to pray during lottery night….just feels a little trife. See I don’t have the answers, if I did, I wouldn’t have the questions…I do my best and… if somebody is in need I try to help them…and I take care of my family and myself and…I used to judge people randomly and detest them…if they didn’t believe the same way I did…but not anymore…I mean no matter what their religion...some people will still kick you while you’re on the floor. So I deal with life as it comes to me, but my search for answers to my questions will never cease, in the meantime I’ll try to keep prayin’ till I find that peace.
I got Questions…So what’s it all for? I don’t do a lot for show…might let the wrist glow, might do a show for a little dough, but for the most part I’m pretty practical. Actual facts...is what I see in front of me, naturally leading me to a conclusion to which most wouldn’t agree...or at least wouldn’t admit to it…they have the same questions I do...but just toss it into their mental receptacle. See, nobody wants to be a spectacle. Everybody just wants to belong and feel good about it…fit in and stay away from the haters and the naysayers and the doubters. While I’m placating with my spouse and...saying yeah, I’m with the in crowd, but inside I’m really doubting.
See I got these questions...like what do I believe and more importantly why do I believe it? I’ve been taught its better to give than to receive, but what’s wrong with receiving’. I know the difference between good and bad, but what happens when my good is someone else’s bad….and is it still all gravy when someone else gets mad? Or if I’m prayin’ to win the game that someone else loses... so I get all the glory while they catch the bumps and bruises. I jump to conclusions...but try not to peruse them, I love my friends and family and I don’t want to lose them. But I can’t help but think about those abused children… not just the ones that get sold for a $20 hit...but I also think about the ones who’s only sin was growing up Catholic. Is it just by chance I was born Baptist? Those kids didn’t choose their religion….it came down on them …like their misfortune of running into John Geoghan. Read about him if you don’t know…molesting altar boys since ‘bout 74, all covered up by those who claim to hear the voice of God, it just seems odd, how the so called angels are actually beasts in disguise...or perhaps they aren’t actually in disguise, but we ‘re just closing own damn eyes …to the manipulation…and the passing of the collection plates and…I’m reaching way back while the Pastor pushing the Mayback? Something wrong with that. Not that something wrong with a Pastor riding to floss...I mean...I like to ride clean as well... but ain’t nobody going to hell if they don’t break me off…shoot, how you gonna put salvation on sale? I got these questions…
Like are the pearly gates or fear of that fiery place the only thing that motivates…doing the right thing? Or do my beliefs alone make me better, than that girl in Sierra Leone that sweatin’, underneath a man she don’t know and she ain’t lettin’…but he’s takin’…and he got the knife and a hard on so he’s rapin’. And after he get through mountin’....how somebody gonna tell her keep climbing that rough side of the mountain? I can’t…What?…Am I going to tell her everything is going to be alright...when the same thing probably gonna happen tomorrow night? Do I tell her to pray more at night? In spite…of the reality of her life...that she lives in a place and a state where if you’re 12 years old...you’re ripe…or should I even care as long as I’m alright? That’s just somebody else’s problem…right? All this...while I pray that Duke Power don’t turn off my lights? Uptight about my cable staying on long enough for me to watch the fight. I fight the urge to pray during lottery night….just feels a little trife. See I don’t have the answers, if I did, I wouldn’t have the questions…I do my best and… if somebody is in need I try to help them…and I take care of my family and myself and…I used to judge people randomly and detest them…if they didn’t believe the same way I did…but not anymore…I mean no matter what their religion...some people will still kick you while you’re on the floor. So I deal with life as it comes to me, but my search for answers to my questions will never cease, in the meantime I’ll try to keep prayin’ till I find that peace.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Caroline by Dame
Have you ever had it in your hand and let it slip away? Blown away like the dream you had last night, but couldn’t quite remember? Gone away... like green leaves do every September.
As the days go by, passion turns from red, to brown, to yellow, to non-existent....to I can’t even remember.
Can’t remember what was going through my head way back then…when I would dream of her skin on my brown skin….
Insecurity…yeah, that it had to be why I didn’t even try to win…too busy looking into those eyes...wishing it would never end. No way she would accept me...I didn’t have the bank roll, the gear, the 430...placing barricades in my own way...two feet away...but might has well been down the hallway…shoot, in another state.
My mind was in another state, as my lips parted to say…..”Hey…I just want to tell you...” Dude, do you belong in Belleview?!? You better keep your mouth shut... be glad she’s your study partner...and she invited you over to ponder...and you got a mind for this...you know...signs, cosigns, regression and analysis... save yourself from getting dissed , dismissed, on some ‘ol delusional sh*t. Stick to what you know bruh...cause this is the only way you even seein’ this...chick.
Whew...back to reality...”yeah, I think the answer is ‘C’, sum of the hypotenuse squared”...I’m dying slowly. Sure I’d like to try the Mauby tea. Never known something so bitter to taste so sweet…steam rising off my cup almost as high as my heartbeat….every sip taking me back to her island homeland…the Caribbean...heard it was beautiful there, and now I know and ain’t never been….
I swear to you her skin was like crushed cinnamon...the kind that grandma used to sprinkle over the dough…with the raisins. Heart is racin’....got about thirty more minutes and Imma have to blaze then. But I’d stay as long as she’d let me....shoot ...you can go ahead and wheel the grave in. Been here ‘bout nine hours...when I get back home...what my boys gonna say then?? How you over this girl’s house all day and didn’t even get a tounge in? They gonna revoke my player card for real, and I wouldn’t righteously blame ‘em. Never really been a player for real, I was just fakin’. They never understood me anyway, no point in explaining’. I wasn’t into hittin’ and quittin...I just wanted to stay in.
Hearing her island accent tasted like honey...thick and fresh from the comb...Alone with her...in her presence was enough for me. Finally met someone that shared my love of the scholarly. Love for the algorithms, and statistical Pythagorean theorems. Every time I came up with the answers her voice seemed to quiver. Like I was hitting a spot that no man had ever delivered....like it was meant to be. I could tell the folds of her mind were moistening and opening to receive my scholarly entity. So I flipped her over on my E=mc...squared her over like two triangles oughta be...writhing in passion our minds intertwined like infinity. We were about to come to a conclusion that it was meant to be. But that was just me. She had no idea, because I couldn’t let her see....that I wanted more than just ABC and 123...I wanted C-A-R-O-L-I-N-E, on me, beside me, if you got a problem with it speak now or forever hold your peace, I wanted a house on the hill and all the bills to come to me. Baby I’ll bring home the bacon, the cheddar, AND the shrimp scampi. Damn, why can’t I shake this petrifaction , that’s keeping this love story apart like segregation...Dame just tell her how you feel...these are your feelings...don’t betray them. But fear won that battle a long time ago...I wanted to hear every word from her honey accented voice except NO.
If you really want something out of life, you should go for it...don’t let fear keep you from exploring...a galaxy of love, life and the excitement of adoring....your achievement...it could happen...it will happen if you let it...speak to it...breathe life into it....don’t let it slip through your fingers like my Caroline.
As the days go by, passion turns from red, to brown, to yellow, to non-existent....to I can’t even remember.
Can’t remember what was going through my head way back then…when I would dream of her skin on my brown skin….
Insecurity…yeah, that it had to be why I didn’t even try to win…too busy looking into those eyes...wishing it would never end. No way she would accept me...I didn’t have the bank roll, the gear, the 430...placing barricades in my own way...two feet away...but might has well been down the hallway…shoot, in another state.
My mind was in another state, as my lips parted to say…..”Hey…I just want to tell you...” Dude, do you belong in Belleview?!? You better keep your mouth shut... be glad she’s your study partner...and she invited you over to ponder...and you got a mind for this...you know...signs, cosigns, regression and analysis... save yourself from getting dissed , dismissed, on some ‘ol delusional sh*t. Stick to what you know bruh...cause this is the only way you even seein’ this...chick.
Whew...back to reality...”yeah, I think the answer is ‘C’, sum of the hypotenuse squared”...I’m dying slowly. Sure I’d like to try the Mauby tea. Never known something so bitter to taste so sweet…steam rising off my cup almost as high as my heartbeat….every sip taking me back to her island homeland…the Caribbean...heard it was beautiful there, and now I know and ain’t never been….
I swear to you her skin was like crushed cinnamon...the kind that grandma used to sprinkle over the dough…with the raisins. Heart is racin’....got about thirty more minutes and Imma have to blaze then. But I’d stay as long as she’d let me....shoot ...you can go ahead and wheel the grave in. Been here ‘bout nine hours...when I get back home...what my boys gonna say then?? How you over this girl’s house all day and didn’t even get a tounge in? They gonna revoke my player card for real, and I wouldn’t righteously blame ‘em. Never really been a player for real, I was just fakin’. They never understood me anyway, no point in explaining’. I wasn’t into hittin’ and quittin...I just wanted to stay in.
Hearing her island accent tasted like honey...thick and fresh from the comb...Alone with her...in her presence was enough for me. Finally met someone that shared my love of the scholarly. Love for the algorithms, and statistical Pythagorean theorems. Every time I came up with the answers her voice seemed to quiver. Like I was hitting a spot that no man had ever delivered....like it was meant to be. I could tell the folds of her mind were moistening and opening to receive my scholarly entity. So I flipped her over on my E=mc...squared her over like two triangles oughta be...writhing in passion our minds intertwined like infinity. We were about to come to a conclusion that it was meant to be. But that was just me. She had no idea, because I couldn’t let her see....that I wanted more than just ABC and 123...I wanted C-A-R-O-L-I-N-E, on me, beside me, if you got a problem with it speak now or forever hold your peace, I wanted a house on the hill and all the bills to come to me. Baby I’ll bring home the bacon, the cheddar, AND the shrimp scampi. Damn, why can’t I shake this petrifaction , that’s keeping this love story apart like segregation...Dame just tell her how you feel...these are your feelings...don’t betray them. But fear won that battle a long time ago...I wanted to hear every word from her honey accented voice except NO.
If you really want something out of life, you should go for it...don’t let fear keep you from exploring...a galaxy of love, life and the excitement of adoring....your achievement...it could happen...it will happen if you let it...speak to it...breathe life into it....don’t let it slip through your fingers like my Caroline.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Don't fall victim to Unrealized Passion
As many of you know, I do a lot of different things but primarily I am a Business and Life Coach. That's what I do...and I thoroughly enjoy it. I love working with individuals to help them solve problems or to help them achieve their goals, dreams and aspirations, especially around Business. See, I am a firm believer in doing what you love and loving what you do. My personal theory is that there is ALWAYS a way to make a living from doing what you love. Always a way. Its just a matter of imagination, creativity and resolve.
I work with people from every walk of life, every ethnicity, every color, every age group, education background ect. and I've found that people generally want the same thing. They want work that is meaningful to them and others...which provides them with a certain, personal standard of living. There may be other goals and objectives, but basically, if given a choice, people want to be able to do what they truly ENJOY doing, as long as they can earn a decent living from it.
Many of these individuals have considered going into business for themselves, but have no idea how to get started, so they drop the idea, or put it in the back of their mind where the cobwebs lurk. Others may have tried entrepreneurship before, but failed for whatever reason, and never tried again. Perhaps the business plan wasn't well thought out. Perhaps the market for the product or service wasn't there or the timing was wrong. Perhaps lack of funding was the issue, or a bad partnership. There are too many reasons to list as to why start-up businesses fail, and I'll go into more depth about them in another post, but what I want to focus on is one very BIG reason businesses fail.
The biggest business failure is the one that is never started.
Of course the biggest reason why businesses are never started in the first place is fear. But I'm not focusing on that part in this post, either. Rather, I will focus on the second biggest reason why businesses are never started....I call it Unrealized Passion.
Unrealized passion is an interesting term indeed. It is basically the passion that an individual has for doing a particular thing, that is unrecognized or unrealized. Passion is defined in the dictionary as 'any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling'. If I told you that I had a passion for what I do, you could rightfully garner from that statement that I LOVE what I do or thoroughly enjoy it (which, of course I do). So love and enjoyment are very much related to passion, because these are very "powerful" and "compelling" emotions.
When I am speaking to someone about their career or business aspirations I always ask the same question...."What do you LOVE to do?" Of course, as you can imagine, the responses vary greatly, and many times I'm forced to ask a follow-up question...."Tell me what you REALLY love to do?" Most of the time that gets me to the the place I want to be in the conversation, where we are focusing on realizing that individuals true passions in the form of entrepreneurship.
However, sometimes when I ask the first question, about what a person loves to do, I get a very perplexed and introspective look from them. As if they are searching for the answer inside of themselves, because they really don't know for sure. Sometimes because they have never truly thought of it, and other times because they are afraid to admit it, or they are tying to give me an answer that SOUNDS "acceptable". I really enjoy when this happens, because I know right then that we are about to go on a very fun journey in the time we have together.
If you have ever considered going into business for yourself, the first thing you need to do is block out all of the infomercials and "get rich quick" or "work from home" schemes. Throw out all the MLM (Multi-Level Marketing) brochures you may have picked up from your local beauty or barbershop or corner store, or website someone forwarded to you.
Now ask yourself two questions...."what do I truly LOVE, ENJOY or am PASSIONATE about doing?" "How can I make a living from doing it?"
When you love to do something, when you are truly passionate about it, you'll more likely to be GOOD at it, because you will be more willing to do the things it takes to be good at whatever it is.
Many people make the terrible mistake, when considering a business venture, of going into a business they feel will make them money first, without consideration of their true passion. This is not to say that such a business venture could never succeed, it might indeed prevail (especially if your passion is just "making money"), but the chances of this are quite slim, and even if it does succeed, you can easily find yourself in a situation where you absolutely HATE what you do, but it pays the bills, so you just do it. This is far from ideal, and doesn't have to be the case.
Knowing yourself, knowing what you truly enjoy doing, what you are passionate about is in my opinion, the first step in beginning any business venture. Of course, there are many steps beyond this that are critical in running a successful business, but before we can even get to those...first things first. But what you don't want is to be stuck in something you don't even really like to do, you're just in it because someone told you that you could make a lot of money from it and retire on your own island or something. I've seen this end in disaster time and time again.
Believe in yourself, be yourself, love what you do...do what you love, make a living from THAT, there is a way, there HAS to be, I know there is, the only limit is YOUR imagination....I believe it, and I believe in YOU.
Dame
I work with people from every walk of life, every ethnicity, every color, every age group, education background ect. and I've found that people generally want the same thing. They want work that is meaningful to them and others...which provides them with a certain, personal standard of living. There may be other goals and objectives, but basically, if given a choice, people want to be able to do what they truly ENJOY doing, as long as they can earn a decent living from it.
Many of these individuals have considered going into business for themselves, but have no idea how to get started, so they drop the idea, or put it in the back of their mind where the cobwebs lurk. Others may have tried entrepreneurship before, but failed for whatever reason, and never tried again. Perhaps the business plan wasn't well thought out. Perhaps the market for the product or service wasn't there or the timing was wrong. Perhaps lack of funding was the issue, or a bad partnership. There are too many reasons to list as to why start-up businesses fail, and I'll go into more depth about them in another post, but what I want to focus on is one very BIG reason businesses fail.
The biggest business failure is the one that is never started.
Of course the biggest reason why businesses are never started in the first place is fear. But I'm not focusing on that part in this post, either. Rather, I will focus on the second biggest reason why businesses are never started....I call it Unrealized Passion.
Unrealized passion is an interesting term indeed. It is basically the passion that an individual has for doing a particular thing, that is unrecognized or unrealized. Passion is defined in the dictionary as 'any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling'. If I told you that I had a passion for what I do, you could rightfully garner from that statement that I LOVE what I do or thoroughly enjoy it (which, of course I do). So love and enjoyment are very much related to passion, because these are very "powerful" and "compelling" emotions.
When I am speaking to someone about their career or business aspirations I always ask the same question...."What do you LOVE to do?" Of course, as you can imagine, the responses vary greatly, and many times I'm forced to ask a follow-up question...."Tell me what you REALLY love to do?" Most of the time that gets me to the the place I want to be in the conversation, where we are focusing on realizing that individuals true passions in the form of entrepreneurship.
However, sometimes when I ask the first question, about what a person loves to do, I get a very perplexed and introspective look from them. As if they are searching for the answer inside of themselves, because they really don't know for sure. Sometimes because they have never truly thought of it, and other times because they are afraid to admit it, or they are tying to give me an answer that SOUNDS "acceptable". I really enjoy when this happens, because I know right then that we are about to go on a very fun journey in the time we have together.
If you have ever considered going into business for yourself, the first thing you need to do is block out all of the infomercials and "get rich quick" or "work from home" schemes. Throw out all the MLM (Multi-Level Marketing) brochures you may have picked up from your local beauty or barbershop or corner store, or website someone forwarded to you.
Now ask yourself two questions...."what do I truly LOVE, ENJOY or am PASSIONATE about doing?" "How can I make a living from doing it?"
When you love to do something, when you are truly passionate about it, you'll more likely to be GOOD at it, because you will be more willing to do the things it takes to be good at whatever it is.
Many people make the terrible mistake, when considering a business venture, of going into a business they feel will make them money first, without consideration of their true passion. This is not to say that such a business venture could never succeed, it might indeed prevail (especially if your passion is just "making money"), but the chances of this are quite slim, and even if it does succeed, you can easily find yourself in a situation where you absolutely HATE what you do, but it pays the bills, so you just do it. This is far from ideal, and doesn't have to be the case.
Knowing yourself, knowing what you truly enjoy doing, what you are passionate about is in my opinion, the first step in beginning any business venture. Of course, there are many steps beyond this that are critical in running a successful business, but before we can even get to those...first things first. But what you don't want is to be stuck in something you don't even really like to do, you're just in it because someone told you that you could make a lot of money from it and retire on your own island or something. I've seen this end in disaster time and time again.
Believe in yourself, be yourself, love what you do...do what you love, make a living from THAT, there is a way, there HAS to be, I know there is, the only limit is YOUR imagination....I believe it, and I believe in YOU.
Dame
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Caught up in the stereotypes
I'm sure you have heard about this story below...
(CNN) -- A Pennsylvania woman who called 911 to report that she and her daughter had been abducted was charged with making a false report and identity theft after police found the pair at a Disney resort in Florida, authorities said Wednesday.
Bonnie Sweeten, 38, told authorities Tuesday afternoon that she and 9-year-old Julia Rakoczy were kidnapped after two men in a Cadillac rear-ended her sport-utility vehicle in Upper Southampton, north of Philadelphia. They were being held in the trunk of the Cadillac, she claimed.
Sweeten was arrested late Wednesday at Disney's Grand Floridian Resort in Orlando, Florida, said Michelle Henry, district attorney for Bucks County, Pennsylvania. Sweeten awaits extradition proceedings.
Asked what tipped off investigators, Henry said, "It was a combination of different facts that just didn't add up."
Sweeten's daughter is in state custody until her biological father picks her up, Henry said.
Authorities said Sweeten withdrew about $12,000 over a week in preparing for the trip and obtained a driver's license from a co-worker to buy airline tickets to Florida. The mother and daughter traveled under false names, and the trip was paid for in cash, Henry said.
Though possible motives were under investigation, Henry said, "We believe there were some domestic problems."
Sweeten has two other children who did not go on the trip, police said.
Let me first say that I don't have all the facts to this story, only what has been reported in the news. However with that being said, I want to go a bit deeper into what I feel are some potential reasons why this woman decided to use the cockamamie story that 2 BLACK men assaulted her and her child, put her and her young daughter in the trunk of their BLACK Cadillac, and abducted them. When I first heard this story, I knew that it was a LIE. At least I felt strongly that it was a lie... hoping I was wrong, but also hoping that the mother and child would end up safe.
I'm not really going into the reasons WHY she lied to the child's father, and to 911 officials, but instead, I want to tackle the reasons why she used the particular lie that was used. Oh yes, because I believe that this woman's lie was carefully crafted, yet ignorant to the core. My thoughts tend to go back to the 2008 election, where a woman said she was assaulted by a BLACK man at an ATM, who persisted to carve an "O" in her face with a knife. Of course, this "O" was for Obama. Or a little further back when a white young mother of two, Susan Smith, from South Carolina, DROWNED her 2 children in their car, and told authorities that she had been ABDUCTED by a BLACK man, and stated this lie repeatedly on NATIONAL television.
So the question is, WHY is this PARTICULAR story, the one about one or multiple BLACK men abducting or attacking them so often used by certain individuals who turn out to be lying??? Why that particular one? Hmmm? Why a BLACK man?
I have some theories that are pretty obvious but others that are not as much. First with the obvious one...Black Male Stereotypes. We all know what they are. We see it on television, on the news, on shows like COPS. "Suspect is a Black Male.." is all we need to hear, and we know the rest. And let me say this...if someone is guilty of committing a crime, regardless of race, I'm all about plenty of jail time. You will NEVER catch me defending the indefensible, which I find too often being the case when I have conversations with my "Pro-Black" friends.
But lets set guilt or innocence aside for just a moment. If you are going to lie about someone committing a crime towards you, depending on the crime, its just makes more sense to blame a Black man. Its just sounds more believable. If I'm lying about someone breaking in my house, I'm NOT saying 3 White males in their 40s did it. Not if I want the police report to be written without the hand of the cop shaking from laughter or unbelief. If I say a 3 Black males in their 20s, I will get little further questions. I'll be asked what they were wearing and if they had guns. And that would be that. Say an older White male did it, and I'll get FAR more questions about the circumstances surrounding the crime from the police, because its just not as believable. Just doesn't SOUND right. Not that my story isn't true automatically, but it just has trouble passing the smell test.
So there's no doubt that this is what the woman in our earlier story was thinking to herself when devising her story to call 911 and say that 2 Black men abducted her, then she shows up at DisneyWorld. In her very simple mind, the cops would be looking for these 2 Black men, and would undoubtedly find some suspects, and be tied up with them as she got her head start.
Brainpower not being this woman's strong suit...she neglected to think a bit deeper about her plan. She failed to realize that it didn't make sense. None of it. And the authorities began to uncover "inconsistencies" in her story. It didn't pass the SMELL test. Like the 3 White Males over 40 breaking into a home. The 3 White Males over 40 story only works on Wall Street, and the 2 Black Males abducting a White woman with a 9 year-old child by putting them in the trunk of their Black Cadillac (you know how Black people love Caddies), and driving off AFTER a simple fender bender, DOESN'T WORK. Makes no sense. And the cops, to their credit, could probably see it from the start, as I did.
Ok, that's the more obvious reason WHY this woman told a racially-charged lie. Now let's move on to the less obvious reasons. And in order to do so, we have to all look in the mirror and start really being honest with ourselves and start asking ourselves some very tough questions.
If you've ever envisioned a car-jacking happening to you, do you picture a Black man doing it? Honestly? I do.
How about a home invasion? Hmmmm. Yep, Black man. I'm ashamed.
What if you hear a story about someone having 30 bodies buried in their backyard? White male? Interesting. That's what I picture.
I guess my point is, if we want to understand the WHY behind the woman in this abduction case, then we have to understand the WHY in our own psyche when it relates to race and crime. To do so we have to be honest with ourselves...about our feelings of race and why they exist. Its not really your fault if you have been conditioned to think a certain way, it IS your fault when you realize you've been conditioned yet continue to think the same way.
Stereotyping isn't as much of the problem as reliance on the media in shaping our opinions is. When we rely on television and radio to shape our opinion of people we get into trouble, but this is a double-edged sword. We NEED the media. Otherwise we really wouldn't know a lot that we do know about what is going on in the world. Which is why you must question EVERYTHING, even your own attitudes, beliefs and feelings. "Am I being manipulated?"..is a question one should always ask themselves when absorbing media. We should not allow the media to shape our opinions of those of other races. Neither should the media be allowed to create damaging stereotypes in our minds about those of other races, even our own.
But I do have to admit, that we have come a long way in the country with race relations. No one was lynched as a result of this woman's lie. That's progress.
Dame
(CNN) -- A Pennsylvania woman who called 911 to report that she and her daughter had been abducted was charged with making a false report and identity theft after police found the pair at a Disney resort in Florida, authorities said Wednesday.
Bonnie Sweeten, 38, told authorities Tuesday afternoon that she and 9-year-old Julia Rakoczy were kidnapped after two men in a Cadillac rear-ended her sport-utility vehicle in Upper Southampton, north of Philadelphia. They were being held in the trunk of the Cadillac, she claimed.
Sweeten was arrested late Wednesday at Disney's Grand Floridian Resort in Orlando, Florida, said Michelle Henry, district attorney for Bucks County, Pennsylvania. Sweeten awaits extradition proceedings.
Asked what tipped off investigators, Henry said, "It was a combination of different facts that just didn't add up."
Sweeten's daughter is in state custody until her biological father picks her up, Henry said.
Authorities said Sweeten withdrew about $12,000 over a week in preparing for the trip and obtained a driver's license from a co-worker to buy airline tickets to Florida. The mother and daughter traveled under false names, and the trip was paid for in cash, Henry said.
Though possible motives were under investigation, Henry said, "We believe there were some domestic problems."
Sweeten has two other children who did not go on the trip, police said.
Let me first say that I don't have all the facts to this story, only what has been reported in the news. However with that being said, I want to go a bit deeper into what I feel are some potential reasons why this woman decided to use the cockamamie story that 2 BLACK men assaulted her and her child, put her and her young daughter in the trunk of their BLACK Cadillac, and abducted them. When I first heard this story, I knew that it was a LIE. At least I felt strongly that it was a lie... hoping I was wrong, but also hoping that the mother and child would end up safe.
I'm not really going into the reasons WHY she lied to the child's father, and to 911 officials, but instead, I want to tackle the reasons why she used the particular lie that was used. Oh yes, because I believe that this woman's lie was carefully crafted, yet ignorant to the core. My thoughts tend to go back to the 2008 election, where a woman said she was assaulted by a BLACK man at an ATM, who persisted to carve an "O" in her face with a knife. Of course, this "O" was for Obama. Or a little further back when a white young mother of two, Susan Smith, from South Carolina, DROWNED her 2 children in their car, and told authorities that she had been ABDUCTED by a BLACK man, and stated this lie repeatedly on NATIONAL television.
So the question is, WHY is this PARTICULAR story, the one about one or multiple BLACK men abducting or attacking them so often used by certain individuals who turn out to be lying??? Why that particular one? Hmmm? Why a BLACK man?
I have some theories that are pretty obvious but others that are not as much. First with the obvious one...Black Male Stereotypes. We all know what they are. We see it on television, on the news, on shows like COPS. "Suspect is a Black Male.." is all we need to hear, and we know the rest. And let me say this...if someone is guilty of committing a crime, regardless of race, I'm all about plenty of jail time. You will NEVER catch me defending the indefensible, which I find too often being the case when I have conversations with my "Pro-Black" friends.
But lets set guilt or innocence aside for just a moment. If you are going to lie about someone committing a crime towards you, depending on the crime, its just makes more sense to blame a Black man. Its just sounds more believable. If I'm lying about someone breaking in my house, I'm NOT saying 3 White males in their 40s did it. Not if I want the police report to be written without the hand of the cop shaking from laughter or unbelief. If I say a 3 Black males in their 20s, I will get little further questions. I'll be asked what they were wearing and if they had guns. And that would be that. Say an older White male did it, and I'll get FAR more questions about the circumstances surrounding the crime from the police, because its just not as believable. Just doesn't SOUND right. Not that my story isn't true automatically, but it just has trouble passing the smell test.
So there's no doubt that this is what the woman in our earlier story was thinking to herself when devising her story to call 911 and say that 2 Black men abducted her, then she shows up at DisneyWorld. In her very simple mind, the cops would be looking for these 2 Black men, and would undoubtedly find some suspects, and be tied up with them as she got her head start.
Brainpower not being this woman's strong suit...she neglected to think a bit deeper about her plan. She failed to realize that it didn't make sense. None of it. And the authorities began to uncover "inconsistencies" in her story. It didn't pass the SMELL test. Like the 3 White Males over 40 breaking into a home. The 3 White Males over 40 story only works on Wall Street, and the 2 Black Males abducting a White woman with a 9 year-old child by putting them in the trunk of their Black Cadillac (you know how Black people love Caddies), and driving off AFTER a simple fender bender, DOESN'T WORK. Makes no sense. And the cops, to their credit, could probably see it from the start, as I did.
Ok, that's the more obvious reason WHY this woman told a racially-charged lie. Now let's move on to the less obvious reasons. And in order to do so, we have to all look in the mirror and start really being honest with ourselves and start asking ourselves some very tough questions.
If you've ever envisioned a car-jacking happening to you, do you picture a Black man doing it? Honestly? I do.
How about a home invasion? Hmmmm. Yep, Black man. I'm ashamed.
What if you hear a story about someone having 30 bodies buried in their backyard? White male? Interesting. That's what I picture.
I guess my point is, if we want to understand the WHY behind the woman in this abduction case, then we have to understand the WHY in our own psyche when it relates to race and crime. To do so we have to be honest with ourselves...about our feelings of race and why they exist. Its not really your fault if you have been conditioned to think a certain way, it IS your fault when you realize you've been conditioned yet continue to think the same way.
Stereotyping isn't as much of the problem as reliance on the media in shaping our opinions is. When we rely on television and radio to shape our opinion of people we get into trouble, but this is a double-edged sword. We NEED the media. Otherwise we really wouldn't know a lot that we do know about what is going on in the world. Which is why you must question EVERYTHING, even your own attitudes, beliefs and feelings. "Am I being manipulated?"..is a question one should always ask themselves when absorbing media. We should not allow the media to shape our opinions of those of other races. Neither should the media be allowed to create damaging stereotypes in our minds about those of other races, even our own.
But I do have to admit, that we have come a long way in the country with race relations. No one was lynched as a result of this woman's lie. That's progress.
Dame
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Relationship Advice....Take off the "mask"
We all know how it generally goes in relationships. Guy meets girl, girl meets guy, they talk on the phone...send email or text messages back and forth...they end up going out on a "date" (or some other representation of that word)....they begin to grow comfortable with each other...a friendship becomes a relationship..."that girl" becomes "my girl" and vice-versa...everything seems to go smoothly, like two floating clouds in the sky slowly merging into one. Its a beautiful thing. Love is in the air, even if the words themselves aren't yet spoken.
Time goes on, and some things begin to change. Attitudes begin to change. Feelings begin to change.
Words begin to change between the man and woman. "I enjoy hearing your voice" turns into "You were supposed to call me back, why didn't you!"
A woman's conversation with one of her close friends goes from, "Girl, he is really a nice guy" to "Why won't he show me that he's committed to this?" to "This time next year...if I don't have a ring...I'm out, because I don't have time to play!".
A man's conversation with a close friend goes from, "Man, she is on point", to "Damn, she acts like I can't hang with my boys" to "Man, I don't think I can marry a woman who already has kids".
You may have been in a relationship before, which became so tumultuous toward the end as to cause you to wonder how much you REALLY knew about the person you were dating. Everything you thought you knew, seemed to melt away, and the person you ended up with was barely recognizable...at least emotionally. The entire relationship perhaps became unrecognizable from how it began. You used to be able to talk to each other, now everything seems to escalate into some sort of argument.
Perhaps it was a long-distance relationship, and the strain of not seeing each other regularly began to take its toll. Perhaps individual life goals changed, which made the two of you somehow incompatible. Perhaps there was constant jealousy and trust issues on either side. Maybe you asked yourself, after it was all over, "why did this happen?" or even more importantly, "how can I keep this type of thing from happening again?"
No one can tell you (and be telling the truth) that they have the "magic potion" to cure any and everything that ills relationships between a man and a woman. There is no pill you can take, no book you can read, no word from a relationship counselor that will guarantee that you can fix a broken relationship, or guarantee that a relationship will go smoothly without any problems, ever. Such a thing doesn't even happen in movies. But what I CAN tell you, is that there are things you can do to help keep a GOOD relationship from going BAD, a BAD relationship from ruining your life, and most importantly, how to even know the difference between good and bad when it comes to relationships.
However, all of these things will require some very simple, yet critical activity on your part.
First, I need you to be honest with yourself. And I'm not talking about the type of honesty that many of us use to LIE to ourselves. I'm talking BRUTALLY honest. The type of honesty you really don't want to hear, think or talk about. When its a little uncomfortable to think about it...that's when you know you are on the right track. This "uncomfortability" is part of the process...and you will come out better on the other end...trust me.
Secondly, if you choose to reply to these relationship posts (which I hope you will), and you SERIOUSLY want some advice, please try to be honest with me. My advice will probably not be helpful to you if you aren't honest about the situation up front. You never have to use your real name, and I would ask you to please refrain from using anyone else real name (defamation is a real legal term, and people have been known to sue...even on the internet). But if you need advice, please let the board know as much about your situation as possible, while still keeping it RELEVANT (key word).
If you need relationship advice but don't want to share on the entire blog, you can always email me: dame@malone-enterprises.com. I read all of my email, and should be able to get back to you within a day or so.
As you may know by now if you've read my blog, that I am interested in a LOT of different things, so I may not post advice about relationships every week. However, if it appears that the subject is getting a lot of attention, I will create another blog dedicated to the subject. That will be fun! I hope I'm able to do that!
So let's go with today's advice, and it is simply, "Take off the Mask". As I was mentioning earlier, in relationships between a man and woman, we meet, we communicate, we grow together, but there is also something else that we tend to do...we wear a mask. What I mean by "a mask", is that we tend to not show the person we are dating our true selves. In most cases, we show them the part that we most want them to see...at least initially. Afterwards, we tend to slowly reveal certain aspects of ourselves (likes, dislikes, disposition, character, attitudes, tendencies, wants, needs, desires, etc.). We keep those things to ourselves usually until we feel COMFORTABLE with sharing more and more of ourselves with that person.
Slowly and deliberately we begin to take off small pieces of the "mask"...but usually only the pieces that are most comfortable to us. If you are a man, and you are beginning to date a woman you like, you will tend to try to say all the "right" things, or at least what you THINK she wants to hear. You'll DO some of those things that you THINK she will appreciate. But how do you KNOW? How do you know she appreciates what you are doing? Most will respond by saying that you know appreciation from the words and actions of the other person. I agree, but this isn't always the case.
Some women don't care for flowers. I know most do...or at least the SAY they do...perhaps because if you are a woman, you are "supposed" to like flowers. But some don't care for them. What they DO care for is a word called...CONFIRMATION. ALL women LOVE confirmation. But much more about that in a later post.
I digress. A guy will do, in the beginning of a relationship, with a woman he really likes, what he either believes women like or enjoy, or what he was told by the woman he is dating that she likes or enjoys. The potential problem arises when that woman doesn't really know for sure what SHE likes (only what she is "supposed" to like, as a stereotypical woman), or worse, knows but isn't fully honest about what she likes. This is where the "mask" causes a problem. The gentleman goes about his business doing the things that he feels pleases his woman, but in reality, he isn't even "scratching the surface". This can go on for weeks, months, years, forever...and that guy NEVER truly knows about what makes his woman happy, what she wants, and what pleases her.
The reverse is also true for men. If you are a woman, and you have been in a relationship with a man for a while, lets say at least 2 years, if what you know about him NOW, about what his true likes and dislikes are, was revealed to you during the first 2 weeks of dating him, would you have stopped talking to him? Do you even really know what he REALLY likes...what REALLY pleases him? Do you think he's afraid to tell you? Hmmmm. :-) (We'll tackle that later too)
Now don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that you let someone into the most inner-sanctum of your deepest thoughts on the first date. But what I am saying is that there are some basic, fundamental items you should have no problem discussing EARLY during the dating phase. I am saying that it is actually HELPFUL to both parties to know more about the REAL person they are dating.
For example, if you are looking for casual sex, and aren't quite ready for a dedicated relationship, then SAY SO. Nothing is wrong with YOU, but there IS if you lead someone down a path, that you had no intention of entering yourself. You will be surprised how well people deal with honesty...and how you may get what it is you are looking for. If you are into that sort of thing.
If you are looking for a wife or husband. SAY SO from the BEGINNING. Let there be no ambiguity in your statement. "I want a relationship, and it is my goal to be married in the next couple of years....is that what you want?" People tend to fear this type of honesty, especially early in the relationship, not realizing that this is the MOST IMPORTANT time do be honest. They fear "running" someone away, or appearing too forward, or if the other person will view them negatively. But these fears have the potential to erode a relationship later, because they were never addressed in the beginning.
Taking off the mask, requires honesty with yourself. With who you are, and what you want out of a relationship, and out of life. If you haven't worked out that part, then this won't help you much. Before you can be honest with anyone else, you have to be honest with yourself.
Sometimes the answer is "I don't know", and that's ok too. You're being honest about it, and that's what's important. That reminds me of a song I love...its called "Yes, I'm Ready", by Barbara Mason (later covered by Jeffery Osborne), some of the words are "I don't even know how to love you, just the way you want me to....but I'm ready to learn."
I'm excited about this journey. I really enjoy helping others in any way I can. This happens to be something that's I've always been pretty good at. So let me know what you think.
Time goes on, and some things begin to change. Attitudes begin to change. Feelings begin to change.
Words begin to change between the man and woman. "I enjoy hearing your voice" turns into "You were supposed to call me back, why didn't you!"
A woman's conversation with one of her close friends goes from, "Girl, he is really a nice guy" to "Why won't he show me that he's committed to this?" to "This time next year...if I don't have a ring...I'm out, because I don't have time to play!".
A man's conversation with a close friend goes from, "Man, she is on point", to "Damn, she acts like I can't hang with my boys" to "Man, I don't think I can marry a woman who already has kids".
You may have been in a relationship before, which became so tumultuous toward the end as to cause you to wonder how much you REALLY knew about the person you were dating. Everything you thought you knew, seemed to melt away, and the person you ended up with was barely recognizable...at least emotionally. The entire relationship perhaps became unrecognizable from how it began. You used to be able to talk to each other, now everything seems to escalate into some sort of argument.
Perhaps it was a long-distance relationship, and the strain of not seeing each other regularly began to take its toll. Perhaps individual life goals changed, which made the two of you somehow incompatible. Perhaps there was constant jealousy and trust issues on either side. Maybe you asked yourself, after it was all over, "why did this happen?" or even more importantly, "how can I keep this type of thing from happening again?"
No one can tell you (and be telling the truth) that they have the "magic potion" to cure any and everything that ills relationships between a man and a woman. There is no pill you can take, no book you can read, no word from a relationship counselor that will guarantee that you can fix a broken relationship, or guarantee that a relationship will go smoothly without any problems, ever. Such a thing doesn't even happen in movies. But what I CAN tell you, is that there are things you can do to help keep a GOOD relationship from going BAD, a BAD relationship from ruining your life, and most importantly, how to even know the difference between good and bad when it comes to relationships.
However, all of these things will require some very simple, yet critical activity on your part.
First, I need you to be honest with yourself. And I'm not talking about the type of honesty that many of us use to LIE to ourselves. I'm talking BRUTALLY honest. The type of honesty you really don't want to hear, think or talk about. When its a little uncomfortable to think about it...that's when you know you are on the right track. This "uncomfortability" is part of the process...and you will come out better on the other end...trust me.
Secondly, if you choose to reply to these relationship posts (which I hope you will), and you SERIOUSLY want some advice, please try to be honest with me. My advice will probably not be helpful to you if you aren't honest about the situation up front. You never have to use your real name, and I would ask you to please refrain from using anyone else real name (defamation is a real legal term, and people have been known to sue...even on the internet). But if you need advice, please let the board know as much about your situation as possible, while still keeping it RELEVANT (key word).
If you need relationship advice but don't want to share on the entire blog, you can always email me: dame@malone-enterprises.com. I read all of my email, and should be able to get back to you within a day or so.
As you may know by now if you've read my blog, that I am interested in a LOT of different things, so I may not post advice about relationships every week. However, if it appears that the subject is getting a lot of attention, I will create another blog dedicated to the subject. That will be fun! I hope I'm able to do that!
So let's go with today's advice, and it is simply, "Take off the Mask". As I was mentioning earlier, in relationships between a man and woman, we meet, we communicate, we grow together, but there is also something else that we tend to do...we wear a mask. What I mean by "a mask", is that we tend to not show the person we are dating our true selves. In most cases, we show them the part that we most want them to see...at least initially. Afterwards, we tend to slowly reveal certain aspects of ourselves (likes, dislikes, disposition, character, attitudes, tendencies, wants, needs, desires, etc.). We keep those things to ourselves usually until we feel COMFORTABLE with sharing more and more of ourselves with that person.
Slowly and deliberately we begin to take off small pieces of the "mask"...but usually only the pieces that are most comfortable to us. If you are a man, and you are beginning to date a woman you like, you will tend to try to say all the "right" things, or at least what you THINK she wants to hear. You'll DO some of those things that you THINK she will appreciate. But how do you KNOW? How do you know she appreciates what you are doing? Most will respond by saying that you know appreciation from the words and actions of the other person. I agree, but this isn't always the case.
Some women don't care for flowers. I know most do...or at least the SAY they do...perhaps because if you are a woman, you are "supposed" to like flowers. But some don't care for them. What they DO care for is a word called...CONFIRMATION. ALL women LOVE confirmation. But much more about that in a later post.
I digress. A guy will do, in the beginning of a relationship, with a woman he really likes, what he either believes women like or enjoy, or what he was told by the woman he is dating that she likes or enjoys. The potential problem arises when that woman doesn't really know for sure what SHE likes (only what she is "supposed" to like, as a stereotypical woman), or worse, knows but isn't fully honest about what she likes. This is where the "mask" causes a problem. The gentleman goes about his business doing the things that he feels pleases his woman, but in reality, he isn't even "scratching the surface". This can go on for weeks, months, years, forever...and that guy NEVER truly knows about what makes his woman happy, what she wants, and what pleases her.
The reverse is also true for men. If you are a woman, and you have been in a relationship with a man for a while, lets say at least 2 years, if what you know about him NOW, about what his true likes and dislikes are, was revealed to you during the first 2 weeks of dating him, would you have stopped talking to him? Do you even really know what he REALLY likes...what REALLY pleases him? Do you think he's afraid to tell you? Hmmmm. :-) (We'll tackle that later too)
Now don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that you let someone into the most inner-sanctum of your deepest thoughts on the first date. But what I am saying is that there are some basic, fundamental items you should have no problem discussing EARLY during the dating phase. I am saying that it is actually HELPFUL to both parties to know more about the REAL person they are dating.
For example, if you are looking for casual sex, and aren't quite ready for a dedicated relationship, then SAY SO. Nothing is wrong with YOU, but there IS if you lead someone down a path, that you had no intention of entering yourself. You will be surprised how well people deal with honesty...and how you may get what it is you are looking for. If you are into that sort of thing.
If you are looking for a wife or husband. SAY SO from the BEGINNING. Let there be no ambiguity in your statement. "I want a relationship, and it is my goal to be married in the next couple of years....is that what you want?" People tend to fear this type of honesty, especially early in the relationship, not realizing that this is the MOST IMPORTANT time do be honest. They fear "running" someone away, or appearing too forward, or if the other person will view them negatively. But these fears have the potential to erode a relationship later, because they were never addressed in the beginning.
Taking off the mask, requires honesty with yourself. With who you are, and what you want out of a relationship, and out of life. If you haven't worked out that part, then this won't help you much. Before you can be honest with anyone else, you have to be honest with yourself.
Sometimes the answer is "I don't know", and that's ok too. You're being honest about it, and that's what's important. That reminds me of a song I love...its called "Yes, I'm Ready", by Barbara Mason (later covered by Jeffery Osborne), some of the words are "I don't even know how to love you, just the way you want me to....but I'm ready to learn."
I'm excited about this journey. I really enjoy helping others in any way I can. This happens to be something that's I've always been pretty good at. So let me know what you think.
Holier Than Thou?
I saw this story on a gospel music website, Gospel Music Bites.
Link: http://www.gospelmusicbites.com/2009/04/01/donnie-mcclurkin-disgusted-with-pastoral-excesses/
Here is the article in its entirety:
This past week, popular preacher, recording artist and pastor, Donnie McClurkin, went on record to declare his deep disappointment with what he sees as pastoral abuses in the body of Christ. His comments has raised a legitimate question about abuse and excesses in the body of Christ and has brought attention to a topic that has largely been ignored in the church community.
In an article appearing in Essence this past week Pastor McCLurkin is quoted as saying:
“As pastors, we have to link arms and have bi-partisanships. The [Black] church has always been the face of the community. Now we have to take on the responsibility of becoming true servants to the people from all walks of life. I get so mad when I see these pimpin’ preachers driving Rolls-Royces, Bentleys, flying around in their private jets, and making it seem like prosperity and money is the way of God when 90 percent of your congregation is on Section 8 or can’t figure out how they are going to keep their lights on or feed their kids. I’m big on perception, and what would it look like for me to live so lavishly if the people in my church are struggling?” says Pastor Donnie McClurkin in the article.”
In venting his frustration over the behavior of some in the church community, Pastor Donnie McCLurkin reveals his own humility and sense of service to God and God’s people, by outlining his own relationship, financial and otherwise, with his church and his refusal to take revenue from a congregation that he has built from the ground up.
“I’ve done great in gospel music, and only a few of us have accomplished what I have, and guess what? I live in the ‘hood, not some place on the outskirts of the ‘hood. There ain’t no gate around my house; I have a white fence because the people I pastor live in that community. I have one vehicle and it’s not a Mercedes, it’s a Lincoln Navigator. I don’t receive a dime—not an Abraham Lincoln copper coin—and haven’t for the last seven-and-a-half years because I’m okay.” he tells Kenya Byrd of Essence Magazine.
As such, Pastor Donnie McCLurkin has become a model and an example for others to emulate. His mentality and actions, that places a greater emphasis on service than profit, can only be admired by all of those who love the Lord and are seeking to do his will to the best of their ability. Pastor McCLurkin makes it clear that he has options, but chooses to live a modest and humble lifestyle because that what God has called him to do.
If I wanted to buy a Phantom or Bentley I could and not hurt my pockets, but I’m okay with what I have. I can sing and work and I let all that money go back into the church so we can buy the delicatessen on the corner, or the house next door to make it state-of-the-art low-income housing. We’ve trained our people to put their leaders on pedestals, and some people want to live vicariously through their pastor and say, “My pastor has this and he’s on television and so on,” but then what do you have? How have you prospered and grown? So when I hear other pastors say, “My people take care of me,” I’m thinking, But you’re supposed to be taking care of the people. I just don’t get it. Pastor McCLurkin goes on to say.says McClurkin.
What is best gleaned from the wisdom and honesty of Pastor McCLurkin is his healthy attitude about the church and who it belongs to. His “ecclesiology”, which is worthy of our consideration, perhaps best represents what Christ had in mind when he gave pastors to the body of Christ in the first place.
I don’t have a church, but I do have a church that I pastor. I can’t name something the Donnie McClurkin Temple because the people do not belong to me and if they did that would mean I have slaves. I am simply a vessel to deliver God’s word. At the end of the day, it’s God’s church, not mine. advises Pastor McCLurkin.
Here is my take. Part of me applauds Pastor McClurkin’s stance on excesses behind the pulpit, however I can’t help but consider his comments a bit self-serving and somewhat hypocritical. Pastor McClurkin doesn’t have to take a salary from the church because he’s a successful recording artist. When you are already “well off” and don’t need the money, then forgive me if I don’t see the incredible humilty in not taking any money from the church. In the words of my mother, “whoopty doo”.
That’s the self-serving part. Let’s talk about the hypocritical part. I’ve seen Pastor McClurkin perform as a recording artist, on programs on TBN and others that support the excessive lifestyle of the very church leaders that he is being critical of. I didn’t see him speaking out against this then. I’m sure he has sung at some of these very churches, and I’m also quite sure that HE received HIS fee! Interesting. Why not refuse the money? Don’t take money from the very churches of the pastors you are now attacking.
What do you think?
Dame
Link: http://www.gospelmusicbites.com/2009/04/01/donnie-mcclurkin-disgusted-with-pastoral-excesses/
Here is the article in its entirety:
This past week, popular preacher, recording artist and pastor, Donnie McClurkin, went on record to declare his deep disappointment with what he sees as pastoral abuses in the body of Christ. His comments has raised a legitimate question about abuse and excesses in the body of Christ and has brought attention to a topic that has largely been ignored in the church community.
In an article appearing in Essence this past week Pastor McCLurkin is quoted as saying:
“As pastors, we have to link arms and have bi-partisanships. The [Black] church has always been the face of the community. Now we have to take on the responsibility of becoming true servants to the people from all walks of life. I get so mad when I see these pimpin’ preachers driving Rolls-Royces, Bentleys, flying around in their private jets, and making it seem like prosperity and money is the way of God when 90 percent of your congregation is on Section 8 or can’t figure out how they are going to keep their lights on or feed their kids. I’m big on perception, and what would it look like for me to live so lavishly if the people in my church are struggling?” says Pastor Donnie McClurkin in the article.”
In venting his frustration over the behavior of some in the church community, Pastor Donnie McCLurkin reveals his own humility and sense of service to God and God’s people, by outlining his own relationship, financial and otherwise, with his church and his refusal to take revenue from a congregation that he has built from the ground up.
“I’ve done great in gospel music, and only a few of us have accomplished what I have, and guess what? I live in the ‘hood, not some place on the outskirts of the ‘hood. There ain’t no gate around my house; I have a white fence because the people I pastor live in that community. I have one vehicle and it’s not a Mercedes, it’s a Lincoln Navigator. I don’t receive a dime—not an Abraham Lincoln copper coin—and haven’t for the last seven-and-a-half years because I’m okay.” he tells Kenya Byrd of Essence Magazine.
As such, Pastor Donnie McCLurkin has become a model and an example for others to emulate. His mentality and actions, that places a greater emphasis on service than profit, can only be admired by all of those who love the Lord and are seeking to do his will to the best of their ability. Pastor McCLurkin makes it clear that he has options, but chooses to live a modest and humble lifestyle because that what God has called him to do.
If I wanted to buy a Phantom or Bentley I could and not hurt my pockets, but I’m okay with what I have. I can sing and work and I let all that money go back into the church so we can buy the delicatessen on the corner, or the house next door to make it state-of-the-art low-income housing. We’ve trained our people to put their leaders on pedestals, and some people want to live vicariously through their pastor and say, “My pastor has this and he’s on television and so on,” but then what do you have? How have you prospered and grown? So when I hear other pastors say, “My people take care of me,” I’m thinking, But you’re supposed to be taking care of the people. I just don’t get it. Pastor McCLurkin goes on to say.says McClurkin.
What is best gleaned from the wisdom and honesty of Pastor McCLurkin is his healthy attitude about the church and who it belongs to. His “ecclesiology”, which is worthy of our consideration, perhaps best represents what Christ had in mind when he gave pastors to the body of Christ in the first place.
I don’t have a church, but I do have a church that I pastor. I can’t name something the Donnie McClurkin Temple because the people do not belong to me and if they did that would mean I have slaves. I am simply a vessel to deliver God’s word. At the end of the day, it’s God’s church, not mine. advises Pastor McCLurkin.
Here is my take. Part of me applauds Pastor McClurkin’s stance on excesses behind the pulpit, however I can’t help but consider his comments a bit self-serving and somewhat hypocritical. Pastor McClurkin doesn’t have to take a salary from the church because he’s a successful recording artist. When you are already “well off” and don’t need the money, then forgive me if I don’t see the incredible humilty in not taking any money from the church. In the words of my mother, “whoopty doo”.
That’s the self-serving part. Let’s talk about the hypocritical part. I’ve seen Pastor McClurkin perform as a recording artist, on programs on TBN and others that support the excessive lifestyle of the very church leaders that he is being critical of. I didn’t see him speaking out against this then. I’m sure he has sung at some of these very churches, and I’m also quite sure that HE received HIS fee! Interesting. Why not refuse the money? Don’t take money from the very churches of the pastors you are now attacking.
What do you think?
Dame
Friday, May 15, 2009
Relationship advice: Seek first to understand...
I recently had a conversation with one of my cousins about the ubiquitous subject of LOVE and RELATIONSHIPS. She was a recent divorcee' and had gone through a very hard time in her marriage. She had dealt with constant infidelity and abuse from her spouse, and the resulting pressure had placed her in a spiral of depression. She was explaining to me how she was a good woman, a "real" woman, that would do anything for her man, but the resulting disaster in her marriage had left her with questions about how to deal with men in the future. She is in a new relationship, one that she values a great deal, but I could sense that there was still some level of trepidation, as in my opinion, there are unresolved issues in the past relationship, that have the potential to permeate through the current relationship, if they haven't already done so.
When I am talking to someone about relationships, whether past, present or even future (which tends to happen quite often for some reason), I'm very careful to listen to the WORDS that the individual uses to describe certain aspects of their relationships. The words a person uses to describe their feelings tell us VOLUMES, not only about the situation being described, but about the person. You just have to be a good listener, and look for the clues. There are many ways to do this, and I won't go into the litany of ways clues can be deciphered, but I will give a couple of examples, briefly.
Everyone knows that there are positive words and negative ones. The words we use not only convey emotion, but they elicit it. The words we use to express ourselves are not only transmitters of our emotions and feelings TO others, but they can also bring about certain emotions and feelings IN others. The words and phrases we use to describe our point of view can get very complex. Not from the perspective of using "big" words, but HOW those words are used in context, and WHY a person uses certain words to describe their feelings. For example, if two people are having a conversation, and one person says "What you don't understand is...", they are utilizing an assumptive phrase which has the tendency to create defensiveness in the other person, and frequently adds unneeded layers to the conversation. When unnecessary layers are added to a conversation, we run the risk of adding "points of disagreement" to the conversation, which can turn the conversation to a full blown argument.
My cousin mentioned something very interesting to me when describing a situation in her current relationship. Her boyfriend had described her as controlling. He made a small yet very common mistake here, but I'll get to that part in a bit. My cousin's initial response to her boyfriends statement of her being controlling was to state, "I'm not controlling". She went on to explain that just because she was mature, confident, and was a "no-nonsense" type of person, did not mean she was "controlling".
Perhaps the readers of this can easily see the fallacies in the words from BOTH parties, particularly my cousin (or perhaps not, but that's ok...that's why I'm here). When she responded with "I'm not controlling", she missed an opportunity to better understand WHY her boyfriend felt the way that he did. Instead of a better understanding, my cousin became defensive, and immediately gave reasons to WHY she was NOT controlling.
I then explained to her that in the future, she should not miss these opportunities to better understand why her boyfriend feels the way that he does, if she wants to have a healthy relationship. Instead of getting defensive, she should seek to better understand WHY her boyfriend feels the way that he does. If I were counseling her boyfriend, I would explain to him that one should never use a negative word to DESCRIBE the other person, only the ACTION. For example, I shouldn't say that someone is "mean", "controlling", or "stubborn", rather I should say that the actions that the person is displaying are "mean", "controlling", or "stubborn" to ME. This creates an OBJECT that can be the focus of discussion and/or disagreement, instead of that focus being the individuals themselves. We discuss the ACTIONS (or lack thereof) instead of the INDIVIDUAL.
I further explained to my cousin, that from the perspective of better understanding another person, it doesn't matter whether she was actually "controlling" or not. It was irrelevant. The only thing that mattered was that her boyfriend felt that way. So instead of arguing that she is NOT controlling...the better use response would be to ask why he felt that way. But again, when he used a negative word to describe HER as a person, defensiveness is a common result. And nothing gets understood or solved.
Remember, words not only convey emotion, but they elicit emotion. Be very careful of the words you are using with your partner in your relationship. Make it a practice to never use a negative word to DESCRIBE your partner, as these words can be escalators, and lead to unnecessary defensiveness and arguments. Instead, understand how a situation or circumstance made you FEEL, then use constructive words to describe the ACTIONS or SITUATION to the person. The result will hopefully be a more productive conversation and will allow trials and tribulations to actually help BUILD the relationship, instead of tearing it down.
I trust this was helpful to someone. Please subscribe to my blog, as I will be updating frequently and you can be notified. Thanks.
Dame
When I am talking to someone about relationships, whether past, present or even future (which tends to happen quite often for some reason), I'm very careful to listen to the WORDS that the individual uses to describe certain aspects of their relationships. The words a person uses to describe their feelings tell us VOLUMES, not only about the situation being described, but about the person. You just have to be a good listener, and look for the clues. There are many ways to do this, and I won't go into the litany of ways clues can be deciphered, but I will give a couple of examples, briefly.
Everyone knows that there are positive words and negative ones. The words we use not only convey emotion, but they elicit it. The words we use to express ourselves are not only transmitters of our emotions and feelings TO others, but they can also bring about certain emotions and feelings IN others. The words and phrases we use to describe our point of view can get very complex. Not from the perspective of using "big" words, but HOW those words are used in context, and WHY a person uses certain words to describe their feelings. For example, if two people are having a conversation, and one person says "What you don't understand is...", they are utilizing an assumptive phrase which has the tendency to create defensiveness in the other person, and frequently adds unneeded layers to the conversation. When unnecessary layers are added to a conversation, we run the risk of adding "points of disagreement" to the conversation, which can turn the conversation to a full blown argument.
My cousin mentioned something very interesting to me when describing a situation in her current relationship. Her boyfriend had described her as controlling. He made a small yet very common mistake here, but I'll get to that part in a bit. My cousin's initial response to her boyfriends statement of her being controlling was to state, "I'm not controlling". She went on to explain that just because she was mature, confident, and was a "no-nonsense" type of person, did not mean she was "controlling".
Perhaps the readers of this can easily see the fallacies in the words from BOTH parties, particularly my cousin (or perhaps not, but that's ok...that's why I'm here). When she responded with "I'm not controlling", she missed an opportunity to better understand WHY her boyfriend felt the way that he did. Instead of a better understanding, my cousin became defensive, and immediately gave reasons to WHY she was NOT controlling.
I then explained to her that in the future, she should not miss these opportunities to better understand why her boyfriend feels the way that he does, if she wants to have a healthy relationship. Instead of getting defensive, she should seek to better understand WHY her boyfriend feels the way that he does. If I were counseling her boyfriend, I would explain to him that one should never use a negative word to DESCRIBE the other person, only the ACTION. For example, I shouldn't say that someone is "mean", "controlling", or "stubborn", rather I should say that the actions that the person is displaying are "mean", "controlling", or "stubborn" to ME. This creates an OBJECT that can be the focus of discussion and/or disagreement, instead of that focus being the individuals themselves. We discuss the ACTIONS (or lack thereof) instead of the INDIVIDUAL.
I further explained to my cousin, that from the perspective of better understanding another person, it doesn't matter whether she was actually "controlling" or not. It was irrelevant. The only thing that mattered was that her boyfriend felt that way. So instead of arguing that she is NOT controlling...the better use response would be to ask why he felt that way. But again, when he used a negative word to describe HER as a person, defensiveness is a common result. And nothing gets understood or solved.
Remember, words not only convey emotion, but they elicit emotion. Be very careful of the words you are using with your partner in your relationship. Make it a practice to never use a negative word to DESCRIBE your partner, as these words can be escalators, and lead to unnecessary defensiveness and arguments. Instead, understand how a situation or circumstance made you FEEL, then use constructive words to describe the ACTIONS or SITUATION to the person. The result will hopefully be a more productive conversation and will allow trials and tribulations to actually help BUILD the relationship, instead of tearing it down.
I trust this was helpful to someone. Please subscribe to my blog, as I will be updating frequently and you can be notified. Thanks.
Dame
Monday, May 11, 2009
Circumstance and Opportunity
Each of our lives are full of circumstance and opportunity, and equal parts of each. For every circumstance in our lives, there lies opportunity within it. And yet, for every opportunity that presents itself to us...circumstance lurks around the corner. We can each exert a certain level of CONTROL over some our circumstances, yet others remain outside of our influence. The same is true for our opportunities, as we sometimes see them, and yet other times they appear to hide from us.
It helps not to think of either circumstance or opportunity as being GOOD or BAD. But each rather as a necessary and omnipresent force of occurrence in our lives. This runs contrary to how most of us think, because we have been conditioned in many cases to view "circumstances" as a negative term, and "opportunity" as a positive one. Even the dictionary defines opportunity as "a favorable juncture of circumstances". However, if there were an "unfavorable juncture of circumstances" can it not be so that opportunity can indeed arise from them? Is there a such thing as a BAD OPPORTUNITY? Can a "good" OPPORTUNITY not arise from "negative circumstances"? (If you do not believe it is so, then I invite you to read the story of Rosa Parks, or the events that led to the recent mortgage crisis, and countless other examples.)
The reason we should not label circumstances or opportunity in our lives as being good or bad is because, what we tell ourselves something IS, defines that thing in our MINDS, thus our subconscious mind creates a reality for us going forward. We then begin to become conditioned BY our circumstances and opportunity, instead of being creators OF our circumstance and opportunities. We run the risk of viewing something as GOOD to ourselves, even if that thing is very BAD for someone else.
Is a thing still "good", if its good to us, but bad for someone else? Who gets to decide? One can suppose that this definition of "good" depends on a individual's concern of other people's happiness, as it relates to the "thing" in question. For example, if I make billions of dollars selling diamonds to those who can afford them...that's GOOD for me, right? I made a lot of money and we all need money, so if I have MORE of what I NEED...then that's a good thing....right? But if my pursuit of profit leads to war, poverty, and slavery for millions of people, can I still call it GOOD? Circumstances aligned in such a way to create an opportunity for me, yet these same circumstances were devastating to many other people. My "opportunity", created "circumstance" for someone else. My action, created a reaction.
I believe that we have an obligation as citizens of this planet, to care about what happens to others as a result of our actions or lack thereof. When we begin to think about what we do not only in terms of how it affects us personally, but also how it affects others around us, we begin to look at our circumstances and opportunities a bit differently.
By all means, we should pursue what is good for us and our families. But we should also direct at least a small portion of our time, efforts, and talent to those who are less fortunate that we are, or even to those who are more fortunate than we are. Perhaps its a kind word to a stranger, an extra "thank you" to the gas station attendant, or you may decide to mentor a young adult, or give words of encouragement to a co-worker you've never spoken to before, or even an encouraging email or card to your boss.
Whatever you decide to do, you will undoubtedly be CREATING your own circumstance and thus your opportunity...not only for yourself, but for others as well. You will feel better about yourself, and get more out of your life. And that my friends...is ALL GOOD.
It helps not to think of either circumstance or opportunity as being GOOD or BAD. But each rather as a necessary and omnipresent force of occurrence in our lives. This runs contrary to how most of us think, because we have been conditioned in many cases to view "circumstances" as a negative term, and "opportunity" as a positive one. Even the dictionary defines opportunity as "a favorable juncture of circumstances". However, if there were an "unfavorable juncture of circumstances" can it not be so that opportunity can indeed arise from them? Is there a such thing as a BAD OPPORTUNITY? Can a "good" OPPORTUNITY not arise from "negative circumstances"? (If you do not believe it is so, then I invite you to read the story of Rosa Parks, or the events that led to the recent mortgage crisis, and countless other examples.)
The reason we should not label circumstances or opportunity in our lives as being good or bad is because, what we tell ourselves something IS, defines that thing in our MINDS, thus our subconscious mind creates a reality for us going forward. We then begin to become conditioned BY our circumstances and opportunity, instead of being creators OF our circumstance and opportunities. We run the risk of viewing something as GOOD to ourselves, even if that thing is very BAD for someone else.
Is a thing still "good", if its good to us, but bad for someone else? Who gets to decide? One can suppose that this definition of "good" depends on a individual's concern of other people's happiness, as it relates to the "thing" in question. For example, if I make billions of dollars selling diamonds to those who can afford them...that's GOOD for me, right? I made a lot of money and we all need money, so if I have MORE of what I NEED...then that's a good thing....right? But if my pursuit of profit leads to war, poverty, and slavery for millions of people, can I still call it GOOD? Circumstances aligned in such a way to create an opportunity for me, yet these same circumstances were devastating to many other people. My "opportunity", created "circumstance" for someone else. My action, created a reaction.
I believe that we have an obligation as citizens of this planet, to care about what happens to others as a result of our actions or lack thereof. When we begin to think about what we do not only in terms of how it affects us personally, but also how it affects others around us, we begin to look at our circumstances and opportunities a bit differently.
By all means, we should pursue what is good for us and our families. But we should also direct at least a small portion of our time, efforts, and talent to those who are less fortunate that we are, or even to those who are more fortunate than we are. Perhaps its a kind word to a stranger, an extra "thank you" to the gas station attendant, or you may decide to mentor a young adult, or give words of encouragement to a co-worker you've never spoken to before, or even an encouraging email or card to your boss.
Whatever you decide to do, you will undoubtedly be CREATING your own circumstance and thus your opportunity...not only for yourself, but for others as well. You will feel better about yourself, and get more out of your life. And that my friends...is ALL GOOD.
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